We hold these truth to be self-evident . . .

These are the laws of the natural universe:

~ Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become
coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

~ Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped,
will roll to the least accessible corner.

~ Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal.

~ Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat
tire.

~ Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you
were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

~ Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water,
the telephone rings.

~ Law of Lines: When you walk IN the grocery store, there's
never anyone in the checkout line.

~ Inverse Hair Dryer Law: You're sure you hear the phone
ringing in the background, until you turn the hair dryer off.

~ Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone
you know increases when you are with someone you don't
want to be seen with.

~ Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won't work, it will.

~ Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.

~ Theater Law: At any event, the people whose seats
are farthest from the aisle arrive last.

~ Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot
coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.

~ Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people
in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

~ Law of Natural Attraction: If you and your date are the
only two on a five-mile stretch of beach, the family of five
will set up right next to you.

~ Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced
jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are
directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

~ Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

~ Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you
don't know what you are talking about.

~ Law of the Last Word: "Hey, watch this!"