Faux News -

KEY LARGO, FL - Tuesday the barbecue sauce tanker Heinz No. 7, used to transport millions of gallons of barbecue sauce from Europe to North America, collided into a barrier reef off the Florida Keys. The collision gouged an enormous hole in the side of the tanker, causing approximately eight million gallons of Heinz sauce to spill out into the ocean. Over the past 48 hours, a countless number of wildlife have been helplessly marinated. Hundreds of volunteers have shown up on the beaches in that area in order to have a wild beach cookout.

The Key To Good Flavor Is Proper Marination

One local man stated, "The birds and fish are washing up on the beach pre-marinated! This is an incredibly delicious disaster! You haven't lived until you've had barbecued dolphin. You know, we should spill oil and barbecue sauce, light that whole area of the ocean on fire, and the birds would wash up fully-cooked!" Citing the great success of the accidental barbecue spill, Heinz has future plans for barbecue spills in Virginia Beach, Atlantic City, Los Angeles and several other major beach towns.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer Lee Camp