American Dragoon, circa 1850

Perhaps it's the beginning of a trend . . .

Veteran wire reporter Helen Thomas is vowing to 'kill herself' if Dick Cheney announces he is running for president.

"The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll kill myself," she told the HILL. "All we need is one more liar."Thomas added, "I think he'd like to run, but it would be a sad day for the country if he does."

Well HT . . . suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism . . . do what you gotta do.

Coincidence or Destiny?

I wonder . . .

Friday, blessed Friday . . .

Another work week will end in a few short hours from now! Yeah buddy! The weekend holds the promise of low humidity and moderate 80 degree temperatures - a huge change in the way this week started out.

My office is in Lancaster County, PA . . . near a tiny Pennsylvania Dutch community called "Salunga" (kind of sounds like a medical diagnosis, doesn't it?). All kidding aside, this is a beautiful area. There are a number of PA Dutch religious sects represented in the local population and "buggy sightings" are fairly common on the local roads. The predominate land use is farming with an adbundance of crop lands. The most interesting/unusual crop grown in these parts is tobacco. There are special "tobacco barns" designed to increase ventilation to cure the harvested tobacco crops . . . pretty neat.

The ride to and from work is an enjoyable experience. I often find myself taking deliberate detours and alternate roads just for the fun of it. Except on Fridays . . . blessed Fridays, they are always direct flight days homebound.

An old favorite . . . The Broken Wings

I discovered the writings of Kahlil Gibran during my college days in the mid-1960's. Gibran wasn't a part of any particular sub-culture or movement, so common in those days. What ever possessed me to purchase his works and read them is still an unsolved mystery to me. But, I liked his writing style and poetry, good enough for me! Particularly enchanting were his works "The Prophet" and "The Broken Wings". I remembered bits and pieces of passages from "The Broken Wings" and recently kept a promise I made to myself - which was to some day revisit his works - the time is here.

From time to time, I will post selected passages from his 1912-vintage essays, paying closest attention to those passages that I considered most profound. From Chapter 4, "The White Torch" . . . a partial description of a character known as Selma:

"Selma Karamy had bodily and spiritual beauty, but how can I describe her to one who never knew her? Can a dead man remember the singing of a nightingale and the fragrance of a rose and the sigh of a brook? Can a prisoner who is heavily loaded with shackles follow the breeze of the dawn? Is not silence more painful than death?

Does pride prevent me from describing Selma in plain words since I cannot draw her truthfully with luminous colours? A hungry man in a desert will not refuse to eat dry bread if Heaven does not shower him with manna and quails.

In her white silk dress, Selma was slender as a ray of moonlight coming through the window. She walked gracefully and rhythmically. Her voice was low and sweet; words fell from her lips like drops of dew falling from the petals of flowers when they are disturbed by the wind. But Selma?s face! No words can describe its expression, reflecting first great internal suffering, then heavenly exaltation.

The beauty of Selma?s face was not classic; it was like a dream of revelation which cannot be measured or bound or copied by the brush of a painter or the chisel of a sculptor.

Selma?s beauty was not in her golden hair, but in the virtue of purity which surrounded it; not in her large eyes, but in the light which emanated from them; not in her red lips, but in the sweetness of her words; not in her ivory neck, but in its slight bow to the front. Nor was it in her perfect figure, but in the nobility of her spirit, burning like a white torch between earth and sky. her beauty was like a gift of poetry. But poets care unhappy people, for, no matter how high their spirits reach, they will still be enclosed in an envelope of tears.

Selma was deeply thoughtful rather than talkative, and her silence was a kind of music that carried one to a world of dreams and made him listen to the throbbing of his heart, and see the ghosts of his thoughts and feelings standing before him, looking him in the eyes.

She wore a cloak of deep sorrow through her life, which increased her strange beauty and dignity, as a tree in blossom is more lovely when seen through the mist of dawn. Sorrow linked her spirit and mine, as if each saw in the other?s face what the heart was feeling and heard the echo of a hidden voice. God had made two bodies in one, and separation could be nothing but agony. The sorrowful spirit finds rest when united with a similar one. They join affectionately, as a stranger is cheered when he sees another stranger in a strange land.

Hearts that are united through the medium of sorrow will not be separated by the glory of happiness. Love that is cleansed by tears will remain externally pure and beautiful."

Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) philosopher, author, and poet

Chickies Rock, near Marietta, PA

Some days . . .

Today is one of those days that seemed doomed from the sound of the first buzz of the alarm clock! If the previous days of this week taxed my spirit, then why should today be any different . . . or so I thought. Today is proving out to be a great day!

Faux newz . . . animal update

Pet dog suffers clinical depression after watching couple bumping uglies.

NEW YORK, NY - Popular animal psychic Sonia Fitzgerald used the bully pulpit of her "Animal Planet" television show to warn people about the dangers of having sex in front of their pets. Calling this practice "the single most damaging thing that pet owners can do to harm their animals' psyches," Fitzgerald suggested that before pet owners get busy they should make sure their animals are confined safely in another part of the house.

According to Fitzgerald, a former top fashion model, most unexplained animal behavior problems are simply the result of "too much exposure to humans doing the horizontal bop." If your dog breaks into the hamper and chews your dirty underwear, if your cat sits on the coffee table trying to lick the fur off its privates whenever you have company, if your bird straddles the bar of its perch and masturbates, there's no point in disciplining the animal "if it's watching you and your partner playing hide the salami at night."

Fitzgerald, author of What the Animals Tell Me, claims that here lately animals have been telling her "how freaked out they are at seeing their owners doing the nasty. "I was talking to a three-year-old shih tzu at Starbucks the other day," said Fitzgerald. "She told me it was unbelievably stressful to watch her owners bumping uglies two or three times a week." Fitzgerald explained that small breeds like the shiz tzu can be especially traumatized by the sight of two people having it off because "human genitalia appear threateningly large to a small dog. If you think about the difference between a shiz tzu's penis and the average human's penis, even the below-average penis, you can see what I'm talking about." Because small breeds cannot jump off the bed without injuring themselves, they have no place to hide when festivities break out, said Fitzgerald. "The poor shiz tzu told me that even if she turns her head and closes her eyes, ?They make so much noise I can't ignore them.' I felt so sorry for that little dog. When her ?mother' starts calling for God, the dog has no way of knowing that her mother isn't being hurt.

People who give pet names to their genitals "compound the trauma," said Fitzgerald. "This shiz tzu was a nervous wreck because she thought there was a bald-headed man that her mommy was supposed to kiss hiding somewhere under the covers." Although she was keen to impress upon her audience the dangers of letting animals watch, Fitzgerald reassured one caller from Alabama "that there was no harm in humans watching animals going at it doggy style if that's what bastes your turkey."

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer Phil Maggitti

Perhaps Doctor Phil or Oprah will do a special show on men who have experienced one of these real world traumas - "the cold nosed dog" or "the pouncing cat". Now, either of those two scenarios are good reason to exclude pets from the bedroom during "happy hour".

Geography class is now in session . . . pay attention!

Name game . . .

Tricks to remembering names
By Kate LorenzCareerBuilder.com
Friday, July 22, 2005

Being able to remember names is a valuable asset in both the business and social arenas. It helps you build instant rapport with new contacts, and, as many companies place a premium on interpersonal and relationship-building skills, it makes a decidedly good impression on employers, too.

So eliminate "whatshername" and "whatshisface" from your vocabulary. The following techniques can help you remember the names of everyone you meet:

1. Be interested: Many of us don't even catch the other person's name when they're being introduced; we're too focused on ourselves. So the first step to remembering a name is to pay attention as you are introduced.

2. Verify it: Unless the person has introduced himself to you, verify what he or she wishes to be called. At a conference or seminar, for example, the name tag may have been typed incorrectly or it may be a more formal or informal version of the name they like to go by.

Or someone else may have introduced you who doesn't know the person well. Asking what they prefer (e.g. "Jeff introduced you as Debbie, is that what you prefer to be called?") will not only cement the name in your mind, but ensure you are using the name that pleases them.

3. Picture it written on their forehead: Franklin Roosevelt continually amazed his staff by remembering the names of nearly everyone he met. His secret? He used to imagine seeing the name written across the person's forehead. This is a particularly powerful technique if you visualize the name written in your favorite color of Magic Marker.

4. Imagine writing the name: To take step three further, neural linguistic programming experts suggest getting a feel for what it would be like to write the name by moving your finger in micro-muscle movements as you are seeing the name and saying it to yourself.

5. Use word association: Try to connect a person's name with a familiar image or famous person. For example, if a woman's name is Jacqueline, picture her as Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis in a pink suit and pillbox hat. If a man's name is Arnold, imagine him as the "Terminator" or striking a body-builder pose.

6. Use it frequently: Try to use the name three or four times during your conversation. Use it when you first meet, when you ask a question and in your departure, e.g., "Daniel, it was a pleasure talking to you. Maybe we'll get a chance to chat again sometime."

7. Record the name in a "new contacts" file: Top sales representatives keep a record of new contact names and information, including where and when they met. Review it now and then, especially when you will be attending a conference or meeting where you may see these individuals again.

Using these techniques will dramatically increase your ability to recall names, but it is inevitable that at one time or another you may slip up. If you do happen to run into someone whom you previously met and can't remember his or her name, you have two options:

Look delighted to see the person, lock eyes and extend a warm "Good to see you again," and then find out the name from a friend or guest list later.

Or, with the same warmth, try the more direct: "I remember you well, but your name has slipped my mind."

Discovery Mission - Successful Lift Off

Recycled School Bus

This caught my attention, partly because I'm involved with school bus transportation safety and am around these things all day, but mostly because I own a motor home and wonder why I didn't come up with this idea first. For the rest of the story, see this link:

http://www.bobsokol.com/bus.html

Gone Fishin' . . .

Name games

This much is true . . . as a kid, I knew several "real people" who had interesting or unusual names. The names that come immediatley to mind are: Sparky Hung, Janet Holsizer, and Cam Payne.

The rest of the post is a spoof . . . interesting, unusual, or clever names. Here are a few:


Faye King
Dwayne de Tubb
Jim E. Quippmen and Jim Nazium
Tom Phulery
Helen Waite
Sal Monella
Jack Doff
Rhoda Song
Sally Mander
Uri Nation

I'm sure there are hundreds more interesting name combinations, both real or imaginary.

Club Gitmo

Check out http://www.Rushlimbaugh.com for the rest of the story and photos.

Jungle training and survival training wasn't anything like this 25 years ago!

Faux newz . . .

LIVONIA, MI. - Ron and Linda Keister of Livonia have filed a civil suit against their next door neighbor Tim Dryzinski. The Keisters are seeking $175,000 in damages from Mr. Dryzinski, charging that he has ignored "repeated requests to stop making fun of us because of our last name." The Keisters allege that Mr. Dryzinski's constant ridicule?"he even named his new Doberman Fanny Keister"?has resulted in their "loss of stature in the community." The Keisters are especially concerned about the effects of Mr. Dryzinski's cheekiness on their children: Lauren and Ron Jr.

"Imagine having to explain to your eight-year-old daughter why her classmates are always asking her to play pin the tail on the Keister," said a tearful Mrs. Keister. "Thankfully Ron Jr. is only two, but I don't want him going through what Lauren has."

According to the Keisters, Mr. Dryzinski began harassing them on New Year's Day 2004 when he left a message on their answering machine asking if Ron Keister wanted to come over to watch the toilet bowl on Mr. Dryzinski's 48-inch plasma screen. "Since then," said Mr. Keister, an accountant with Toomer and Roth, "Dryzinski hasn't missed an opportunity to tell people that we're addicted to crack or that our favorite beer is Heiniekin or that our favorite dance is the can-can. He even held a Keister egg hunt for neighborhood children last year. "The final straw came at Dryzinski's Christmas party," said Mr. Keister. "He promised not to make fun of us, so we went. Then, as soon as we got there, he said, ?Hey, everybody, the assholes from next door are here.' When I reminded him of his promise, he laughed and said that he had been speaking tongue in cheek."

Mr. Dryzinski, a self-employed tattoo artist, reacted to the Keisters' suit with a shrug. "I think they're really making asses of themselves," he deadpanned. "They won't get anywhere giving me the bum's rush. They've got to learn to put their sensitivity behind them."

Judd Zimmerman, the attorney representing Mr. Dryzinski, argues that the Keisters "could make this all go away" if they would simply alter the pronunciation of their last name. "I wrote to their lawyer last week, suggesting that his clients pronounce their name so that it rhymes with 'blister,'" said Zimmerman. "They refused. They're more interested in salving their wounded pride with my client's money than they are in resolving this issue. That's what's at the bottom of this case."

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer Phil Maggitti

WTF?!? Real news story . . .

20 July 2005

MIRACLE ESCAPE FOR THE KIDS WHOSE BUS DRIVER FORGOT HE WAS IN A DOUBLE DECKER..
By Richard Smith

PUPILS had a lucky escape yesterday when this bus hit a low bridge after the driver forgot it was a double decker. Five teenagers were taken to hospital with cuts and bruises and others left badly shaken when the roof was sliced off.

The youngsters dived for cover to avoid being decapitated as they were showered with glass in the smash at Woodley, Berks. Sergeant Michael Mayne of Thames Valley police said: "The pupils were extremely lucky."

The driver, treated for shock at the roadside, normally operates a single-decker for the school run.

A police source added: "He just forgot what he was driving. When we got there the pupils were screaming and threatening him. He is gutted and shaken by this. " There were 25 pupils on the bus. Operator Reading Transport Ltd said: "We want to know how this catastrophe happened. "One injury is one injury too many. Thank God there was not a full load of children on board. "The five injured pupils were last night recovering at home."

Now . . . I as a safety manager for a transportation company here in the USA, I gotta tell you this operator should be canned . . . period! I'd recommend a cranial-rectal inversion operation be preformed along with a post-accident drug and alcohol test before yanking this guy's license. I assume this happened in the UK - shame on our British cousins if they ever allow this dolt to drive school kids again!

Urban dictionary

SICKOPHANT

Sickophant noun: derived from the word "sick", a sickophant is someone that "sickifies" something... ie. makes something perfectly normal and innocent filthy and often sexual.

1. Alec is a sickophant
2. OMG, why do you have to sickify everything i say, you are such a sickophant
3. JOEY from FRIENDS

Source: Becca, Apr 22, 2005

I heard Rush Limbaugh use this term the other day on his radio show. In a continuing effort to keep pace with societal evolution, I did a Google search and that seems to be the definition. Rush used the word in a delightful rant about the liberal media, but when he through out that word, I have no idea what it meant.

Red Skies at Night

Faux News -

KEY LARGO, FL - Tuesday the barbecue sauce tanker Heinz No. 7, used to transport millions of gallons of barbecue sauce from Europe to North America, collided into a barrier reef off the Florida Keys. The collision gouged an enormous hole in the side of the tanker, causing approximately eight million gallons of Heinz sauce to spill out into the ocean. Over the past 48 hours, a countless number of wildlife have been helplessly marinated. Hundreds of volunteers have shown up on the beaches in that area in order to have a wild beach cookout.

The Key To Good Flavor Is Proper Marination

One local man stated, "The birds and fish are washing up on the beach pre-marinated! This is an incredibly delicious disaster! You haven't lived until you've had barbecued dolphin. You know, we should spill oil and barbecue sauce, light that whole area of the ocean on fire, and the birds would wash up fully-cooked!" Citing the great success of the accidental barbecue spill, Heinz has future plans for barbecue spills in Virginia Beach, Atlantic City, Los Angeles and several other major beach towns.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer Lee Camp

Faux News - Man works for sex

CINCINNATI, OH - "Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do," 28-year-old Edward Hughes said of agreeing to clean the bathroom if his wife would give him sex. Hughes claims his wife hadn't given him any action for at least two weeks prior to the event. "Finally I just said to her, ?Come on, baby. What can I do to get you turned on?' She immediately replied, ?Clean the bathroom.'" Hughes claims that it was a fair trade because he despises cleaning the bathroom and his wife is not very fond of intercourse. Hughes did have one complaint though. "I felt a little used afterwards. I just don't think I should be selling my body like that." Despite such dissatisfaction, Hughes says he and his wife have arranged a follow-up deal in which she will give him oral sex in exchange for him building an extension on the house. He plans to start next week.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer Lee Camp

Early RVs and motorized homes

The early years of motorized homes . . . wow! They've come a long way.

If I played golf . . . this would be perfect

I'm not a golfer but I know lots of people who love this sport. My links experience is limited to one ill-fated game I suffered through at Fort Knox, Kentucky in the early 1970's. Seems the gold depository is located between the 9th and 10 hole on the officer's club golf course and the only way for a young soldier to see it is to play through the course. Like I said, my golf career was limited to 10 holes . . . the game and I just weren't meant for each other. But, if there was a golf course like this one . . . I'd consider golf as a retirement hobby. From the angle the photo was taken, it looks suspiciously like an artillery shell might have been involved in the creation of this hole.

I thought it was funny . . .

R-Rated Riddles. . .

Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 US leader

Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.

Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough.

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

It's all about the grill . . .

Most folks agree, charcoal grilling is a rite of Summer. Grilling has always been one of my favorite activities any season of the year. To me, grilling is both a ritual and an art. I take great pride in the preparation, process, and clean up - some folks would suggest I'm fanatical and obsessed with it - but, that's OK with me because my detractors usually have their mouths too full with grilled goodies to comment.

Given a choice, I prefer charcoal over gas grills for flavor. Conversely, a gas grill offers far more control over cooking temperatures and times, great, if you're cooking for a crowd. Over the years, I discovered some "truths" about grilling:

Food tastes much better when prepared on clean, rust-free grill grids.

Marinated meats, especially streaks, are a treat when grilled.

Sear both sides of the meat to lock in the juices, turn the cuts of meat regularly.

Don't press down on hamburgers.

Baste meats frequently.

For greater control, cook on the top shelf or shelves of the grill.

Use top shelves to avoid burning things to a crisp, you can always tell an grill amatuer.

Drink plenty of liquids, beer will keep you properly hydrated.

When grilling with charcoal, allow the coals to turn completely gray before introducing the food to the grill grids.

Grill lid should be closed for most of the cooking process.

Use wood chips with charcoal grills. Apple, cherry, and maple chips impart a superb flavor and produce a heavy volume of smoke. Contrary to most package instructions, you'll get more smoke by sprinkling the chips directly on the coals and then close the grill lid. An open lid will cause the chips to ignite to a raging flame - close the lid, let 'em smolder and smoke. For gas grills, use a wrought iron chip box or small aluminum pan.

Open bottom draft vents and top smoke vent(s) to control temperature.

Tongs seem to always work better than "flippers" when handling or turning food.

Grilling is hot work, stay hydrated, dring plenty of essential adult carbohydrates.

Keep a spray bottle of water handy for flare ups. Proper grilling techniques minimize flare ups, but they do happen.

Grill hot dogs using indirect heat, dogs on one side, coals or gas jets on the other side. Cook any tubular meat this way for perfect results every time.

For roasts and chicken parts, slow cook, using low temperatures, for an extended period of time. Roast do best covered in foil. Chicken parts do better when frequently basted and cooked with indirect heat. Pre-soak chicken parts in salt water for a few hours before grilling, baste with butter and spray on vinegar frequently for a "fire company chicken barbeque" taste.

Dry rubs, marinades, and basting sauces are all a matter of personal taste. Cattleman, McCormick, Stubbs, and Rendevous Rib House brands are 5 star products.

Clean your grill thoroughly after each use, especially the grill grids. Nothing is more disgusting than baked on grease and food debris from a previous grilling session.

Spray Pam (or other non-stick cooking spray) on the grill grids to prevent rust formation.

Know your grill, it's cooking characteristics, and quirks before attempting to cook for guests. Some gas grills perform miserably under windy conditions.

Corn on the cob, in the husk, is a special grill treat. Use water-soaked burlap or terry cloth towels to cover and steam the corn. Change or re-wet the cloth frequently.

For roasts, whole chickens, and other large meat cuts, use a probe thermometer and follow recommeded internal meat temperatures.

Never trust an external temperature guage.

With some practice, an entire meal (veggies, meats, etc.) can be prepared on one or more grills and timed to finish grilling together. Kabobs are the only exception unless you pre-cook the meat(s) and potato slices ahead of time.

Fish is best grilled on a wire mesh grid, on a top grill shelf.

Foil-wrapped mushroom, onions, carrots, sliced potatoes, and other goodies can be grilled easily with meat entries.

Never leave a grill unattended, keep necessities like beer, phone, etc., near at hand.

Never make the mistake of associating high flames with correct grilling temperatures.

Avoid any situation that would cause a sudden influx of grease (butter, fat, etc.) into the cooking coal area - this will guarantee flare ups.

Add lava rock or ceramic coals to the bottom of a gas grill. They help to absorb dripping grease, reduce flare up, and even out cooking temperature in this type of grill.

Never allow charcoal lighter fluid to come into contact with cooking surfaces. Make a pyramid of coals (avoid the self-start coals, they impart a nasty after taste), use starter fluid conservatively (too much = nasty taste), and allow coals to gray out before grilling.

I'm not an expert at grilling - just an avid student of this fine art. The do's and don'ts I've mentioned are based on my experience with grilling over the years. It doesn't have to be frustrating - it should be rewarding and fun!

My favorite grilling experience involves marinaded NY strip steaks prepared on a $20 Walmart charcoal grill (I think it's a Sunbeam brand grill) using a blend of wood chips to smoke the meat throughout the cooking process. It's been a year or two since I last made West Virginia BBQ Chicken (recipe I learned from a mountian man/National Guard cook). It's pretty simple to make. Pre-soak the chicken in brine. Grill it on indirect heat, smothering the chicken parts with butter and sprayed on vinegar/hot pepper juice frequently. It takes about 3 hours to grill - plenty of patience and beer required - but it is a favorite with my kids. Also, a quick recipe for "Campin' Pork Tenderloin" - slice up an orange, lemon, and lime - arrange them around the tenderloin, wrap in foil, and slow roast for 4 to 6 hours at low and low-to-medium temperatures. It will break apart with a fork when served.

It's all about grillin' and having fun!

Only in the movies . . .

It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building the characters are visiting.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty.

Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighborhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

Regardless of the situation (natural or man-made disaster) the actress emerges looking beauty shop perfect every time.

Mistaken identity

I don't own this tee shirt.

More Painted Lady Photos

Some beautiful examples of Victorian "painted ladies".

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Photo # 2 is a property in Marietta, PA (I see this one almost every day)

Variation of a theme . . .

As a kid in the 1950's, I owned a pump-action ping pong ball rifle that was lots of fun. Add a younger brother with a ping pong ball rifle and you have hours of entertainment (usually at the expense of the younger brother).

The 21st. Century variant is a marshmallow gun.

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Unique heirloom . . .

One of my ancestors donated money to the Methodist church in Gettysburg for the congregation's purchase of stained glass windows for their structure. He sponsored a total of 4 windows, two top panels (like the one pictured here) and two bottom panels (each of the bottom panels bear our family's name in painted script).

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After the church was damaged by fire in the 1960's, the congregation decided to use less traditional windows for their new church. My Dad and Uncle Bob were given the 4 window panels that had somehow survived the ravages of the fire. They offered the windows to their children. The one pictured is mounted in a wall at my house, my brother has the bottom matching panel mounted in his home. The window is quite a conversation piece when guests and freinds visit. The window is backlighted and when illuminated, the lighting effect is awesome. It's mounted it at the top of our stairway to the second floor. Truely a unique heirloom.

The Legendary "Jim Bowie"

Here's a delightful combination of essential adult carbohydrates! It's been a long standing tradition (this goes back to my National Guard days in the 1980's) to toast or "salute" by drinking a series of shots in this order: Jameson, Drambuie, followed by a "B52" (Chambourg and Bailey's Irish Creme) chaser. This combination is called a "Jim Bowie" (my NG buddies and I coined the term). This combination is treated as "shooters" with no hestitation between shots.

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The Jameson tastes a bit like Ronson lighter fluid, the "Buie" is a heavy, almost syrup like drink, that acts like an after burner (no pun intended) clearing your sinuses, and the sweet-favored B52 cleanses the palate cooling things off for the next round. One or two rounds of this combination will definately get you cooked.

Why would anyone want to . . .

Pop sensation BRITNEY SPEARS has reportedly agreed to screen the birth of her baby on the next series of her reality TV show BRITNEY AND KEVIN: CHAOTIC.

In a bid to beat pop rival JESSICA SIMPSON's show NEWLYWEDS, the MY PREROGATIVE hitmaker has decided to allow cameras at the intimate moment, to boost lacklustre ratings.

The baby is due later this year (05) and will be Spears' first child and husband KEVIN FEDERLINE's third.

A source told British tabloid The Daily Star, "Britney was in two minds about the birth even after she'd decided to do a one-off special to introduce the little one to the world.
"It'd be a follow-up to the series and also a great record for them. It's just like the proud dad taping the event.

"Cameras won't roll through the most intimate parts but there will be scenes included."

I'll pass on this one, thank you very much!

First attempt at multiple photos in a post

With any luck, I'll get this right the first time (LOL)

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"Painted Ladies" is a nickname used to describe vivid paint schemes commonly associated with grand old Victorian homes. Traditionally, 3 or more colors are used to accentuate fretwork, gingerbread, and fish scale siding that adorn these magnificent structures. As time permits, I'll add more photos of some of my favorites.

Just as I always suspected . . .

Oh no . . . I remember this advertisement!

Transition . . .

Optical Illusion

Cool . . .